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Thought
some of you might enjoy this. Wish I had posted it a little earlier,
but better late than never. This was originally posted by 6600koga@ucsbuxa.ucsb.edu
(Jeffrey Koga) who credits an unnamed friend for sending a tape
to him. I believe this originally appeared on radio in the LA area.
"THE
12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS", "^TWIN PEAKS^" STYLE
Featuring
(in order of appearance): Jack Nance (Pete Martell) Dana Ashbrook
(Bobby Briggs) Frank Silva (BOB) Kyle MacLaughlin (FBI Special Agent
Dale Cooper) Kimmy Robertson (Lucy Moran)
Lyrics:
Pete:
"On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: A body, DEAD,
wrapped in plastic."
Bobby:
"On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Two secret
diaries." Pete: "And a body, DEAD, wrapped in plasic."
BOB:
"On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: THREE POSSESSED
SOULS!" Bobby: "Two secret diaries." Pete: "And a body, DEAD, wrapped
in plastic."
Cooper:
"Diane, on the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Four
talking logs." BOB: "THREE POSSESSED SOULS!" Bobby: "Two secret
diaries." Pete: "And a body, DEAD, wrapped in plastic."
Lucy:
"On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Five jelly
donuts!" Cooper: "Four talking logs." BOB: "THREE POSSESSED SOULS!"
Bobby: "Two secret diaries." Pete: "And a body, DEAD, wrapped in
plastic."
BOB:
"On the 6th day of Christmas..." Pete: "...my sweetheart gave to
me: Six fish in a percolator." Lucy: "Five jelly donuts!" Cooper:
"Four talking logs." BOB: "THREE POSSESSED SOULS!" Bobby: "Two secret
diaries." Pete: "And a body, DEAD, wrapped in plastic."
Bobby:
"On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Seven one-armed
men." Pete: "Six fish in a percolator." Lucy (or someone, in an
operatic singing voice): "Five jelly donuts!" Cooper: "Four talking
logs." BOB: "THREE POSSESSED SOULS!" Bobby: "Two secret diaries."
Pete: "And a body, DEAD, wrapped in plastic."
Cooper:
"Diane, on the 8th day of Christmas, I had a strange dream: Eight
dancing midgets." Bobby: "Seven one-armed men." Pete: "Six fish
in a percolator." Lucy: "Five, uh! F-five jelly donuts! Sorry, oops!"
Cooper: "Four talking logs." BOB: "THREE POSSESSED SOULS!" Bobby:
"Two secret diaries." Pete: "And a body, DEAD, wrapped in plastic."
BOB:
"On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: NINE OWLS
LURKING!" Cooper: "Eight dancing midgets." Bobby: "Seven one-armed
men." Pete: "Six fish in a percolator." Lucy (sounding really p.o.'ed):
"FIVE, JELLY, DONUTS!" Cooper: "Four talking logs." BOB: "THREE
POSSESSED SOULS!" Bobby: "Two secret diaries." Pete: "And a body,
DEAD, wrapped in plastic."
Bobby:
"On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Ten drooling
Leos." BOB: "NINE OWLS LURKING!" Cooper: "Eight dancing midgets."
Bobby: "Seven one-armed men." Pete: "Six fish in a percolator."
Lucy (sounding really p.o.'ed): "FIVE, JELLY, DONUTS!" Cooper: "Four
talking logs." BOB: "THREE POSSESSED SOULS!" Bobby: "Two secret
diaries." Pete: "And a body, DEAD, wrapped in plastic."
Lucy:
"On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Eleven cherry
pies." Bobby: "Ten drooling Leos." BOB: "NINE OWLS LURKING!" Cooper:
"Eight dancing midgets." Bobby: "Seven one-armed men." Pete: "Six
fish in a percolator." Lucy: "Five jelly donuts!" Cooper: "Four
talking logs." BOB: "THREE POSSESSED SOULS!" Bobby: "Two secret
diaries." Pete: "And a body, DEAD, wrapped in plastic."
Pete
(in a rousing voice): "On the 12th day of Christmas, my sweetheart
gave to me: Twelve cups of coffee." Lucy: "Eleven cherry pies."
Bobby: "Ten drooling Leos." BOB: "NINE OWLS LURKING!" Cooper: "Eight
dancing midgets." Bobby: "Seven one-armed men." Pete: "Six fish
in a percolator." Lucy: "Five dozen donuts. What?!" Cooper: "Four
talking logs." BOB: "THREE POSSESSED SOULS." Bobby: "Two secret
diaries." Pete: "And a body, DEAD, wrapped in plastic."
Have
a great Christmas, Hanakkah, Solstice, et cetera! -Rich Haller
University of Oregon, Eugene, OR, USA
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